Social Experiments by an Anti-Social

About 7,920,000 results. That’s how many pages the internet can find on how to just accept a compliment. You would think it’s the easiest thing in the world, just to say two words – Thank you. Most of us know that it’s not.

                So why is it so hard for us to accept that someone admires us? Perhaps we’ve all got bad cases of inferiority complexes. Or, perhaps we’re concerned that receiving a compliment is a mere social cue to give one back. This week, I did an experiment to see how many people struggle with such a seemingly simple concept – accepting a compliment.

                I decided to see if there was a difference in the way a boy takes a compliment as opposed to a girl. My hypotheses were that men would show discomfort in being complimented by a woman, and a woman would disagree in modesty whilst returning a compliment. I came to these hypotheses because of behaviours I have observed and questioned in the past; a lot of men seem to perceive a compliment as a form of flirting… hence the discomfort. Women on the other hand, more often have low self-esteem causing their modesty in accepting or completely refuting a compliment. Respectively, I have also noticed women give compliments often in expectation for one back. This has become a social norm.

                For each of the 26 people involved – 13 women and 13 men – I used the same simple, vague compliment:  “You look really cute today”.  All compliments were delivered face to face on the same day, and none of them knew I was gauging their reactions for a social experiment.

                The women of the experiment were almost exactly as I predicted them to be. Only one of the 13 girls simply accepted the compliment. The rest of them refuted the compliment and/or complimented me back. Some of the responses I got included, “no!” and, “oh me? Thanks I guess, your braid is nice!”

                The men of the experiment all reacted very similarly. Upon receiving the compliment, all 13 boys turned their heads away and smiled nervously. After that, the reactions varied from “I know”, to “You think so?” I found it quite interesting how all 13 boys involved had the exact same initial reaction.

                From all of this, I conclude that the way both men and women receive compliments are the social norm. That norm is the universal belief that compliments are driven by things other than the sheer admiration from one person to another. So how can we change it?

                Consider this: the only way to change a social norm is to regularly behave against it. Accept compliments with a gracious thank you when they come your way. Believe them. Give compliments whenever you can. And remember, it’s not weird if you’re being nice.

                And it’s not weird if it’s science.